No matter how much this hurts

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 18:30:27 GMT

go there and read about my cousin i'm so irate right now i want to break things and throw things through windows

so what

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 17:31:57 GMT

yea so i'm a lazy bum and only update when i think you people need to know more about the roller coaster of my life well here's more. I'm dying of an illness that i don't know what it is and since im a poor working girl i don't have enough money for health insurance therefore docotors visits will cost a grip. there was way too many "o"'s in that word up there doctors is what i meant, oh well the juicy stuff is going in my other journal. peace outside fools

silverstein to the rescue

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 00:50:50 GMT

i never realized how much i could love a band, the rest of this post is just lyrics from their songs that make me weak in the knees

How can I ever stop you from crushing my soul? It was yours to begin with.
I would wait forever. Promise me you will stay here until the darkness will fade, I’d wait for you.
How can I say I love you back, you never made me happy
It felt so good to see you. I’ve never been one to put my trust in. When did I become so weak, or have I always been? I can’t put all this back in place. This gaping hole in my chest is filled with deceit. I fear that all my cries fell upon deaf ears
The bright light beams from her eyes like broken glass. Or a broken heart, who would have guessed? You’d leave me here. Beneath my eyes I feel the tears, I hold back

like absolute whoa do i love them, i think i'll go buy their CD right now

cpt. random is my middle name

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 17:53:35 GMT

umm good times great oldies
jessica dyed her hair w00t w00t
i know you all want to be her but you can't
i have to work today
suck core
my cat is the cutest thing since you obviously
i have cramps the size of antartica
i still have to work today
i have to clean out the cat box too
and clean the kitchen
and try to tan
ahh the pain of it all
work that is
umm yea
peace outside fools

so yea

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 02:29:40 GMT

ok so it goes a little like this
this maybe be a little long but here i am caring.... my computer is to slow to even think right now
i lost something very important to me something i can never get back again and i was an idiot and i didnt mean to but in the ever famous words of everyone who know shit happens and yea shut happened. It's like i don't know totally weird. his name is Thomas but we all call him TG b/c those are his initials totally cute eh? yea well TG is a good kid i guess, but he's a kid! like totally. well he's only 3 months younger then i am but still you know? acutally a lot of you don't know and you wont know but lets just say... im not a little girl anymore. but i still want to be.... freaking hell dude lets leave it at that. please pray for me

whoa i bet you thought i was dead right?

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 16:26:43 GMT

so its been about a thousand years but guess what im alive i know, i just got in @ 8:20 in the morning..... so its cool i love my grandparents p to the s

Jen! i miss you dear. call me today at my grandparentals casa, post 2pm tho i must work today
<3 you madly

oh on saturday there's going to be a kickback in the dhs area, if you want to go shout me a holler i'll give u more details late

thats all fools

nikizole

here i am beginning the rest of my lonely life

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 23:05:33 GMT

i wish i wasn't so easily won over
i wish i wasn't so impressionable
i wish my heart wasn't so easily crushed
i wish most of the time i wasn't me

here i am God giving you all the i have left to give
im sorry its not a lot
and i'm sorry its not pure
im sorry that i messed up and that i turned away from you
but most of all im sorry that i let you down

tomorrow lent beings, and the things im giving up are... well there are quite a bit of things, but the things im putting in place of the bad things are awesome and wonderful and God

maybe i will move to wyoming
it would be easier for me
i don't want to run away though

i guess this is the end
let me dry the tears that i've cried
let me try to find all the pieces of my broken heart
let me be the one i want to be and be proud of me
let me lean on you Lord with all my self so you can finish what you've started

Here's my heart.... I want you to break it

ugly day

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 20:46:15 GMT

so i took a long bubble bath and ate cookies and milk while i was playing with the bubbles. It was nice, but now im ugly. My hair is undone and i didn't bring any type of hair products to at least pick me up off the ground. So im wearing a bandana cap, yea its hot and totally not fun. Want to see how ugly i am today?!

p s my speakers are having a heart attack and just going bashjasdbhj bhjashjdbhj abhjasdsa over and over, its like the sound tvs make when its salt and pepper or snowing or what not.

see?! UGLY

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 18:23:26 GMT

Tonight
Kickstand Bar and Grill
9pm, free show
Daly City
Ever Ready
All Ages, I will be there and expect you to be as well.

GO NOW PLEASE.

I heard there was going to be this umm opening act of four girls pretending to be in the band?! What?!
Maybe not

im in love with you in love with me

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 03:33:50 GMT

so yea, this week has been quite a ride. I know now the reason i was so afraid to give it all up to God. I knew that when i did if i fell to me it would feel totally like... worse. Thats why im always scared. And i did stumble, no alky so much but the smoking is going to be so hard to stop. so hard like whoa. Also, i miss someone but im too afraid to let them know b/c it seems like they are completly happy now. I should be happy for them too, i mean i know i should but i just don't want to be. Why is it that the first one always means the most? i hope you're happy. i also hope you're completley lonely without me, cuz i know i am without you.
also Jesse is totally awesome, he's going to make some guy lucky one of these days seriously, he's so like sweet and i love him. that is all for tonight.
i got my lip redone tho

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 20:01:39 GMT

either my computer is retarded or myspace isn't working ahh the pain of it all

i bet you think this song is about you

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 19:52:20 GMT

i look like an eskimo

i think im becoming more and more asian every day

dude my eyes are brown like whoa..... see?!

thats my baby toby, we love him

we b thuggin

there is my princess before i threw him in the shower, damn cat bit me, he will never do that again

and as i said, since my name is Nicole Ritter, i thought you should all see my husband tyson, hi thnx he's hot and will be my babies daddy

LATE KIDs sorry for the caps look

and the vanity of it all

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 18:38:24 GMT

i see this at the mall practically everyday and i love it, hot topic is good for some things, they have signage in front of thier store with john cusack (swoon) in say anything and it says... " i met her in the mall, i should have known our relationship was doomed" how funny, i love that! how much i love a lot of things, like this.... you let life get in your way... that is true, listening to music cures me sometimes, like i'll be totally emo like whoa, and then throw on some emo music and the emoness increases then i throw in some ptw, which is semi ok but not you know totally ok then i throw on some sinai beach and im ready to break faces and i feel better so after SB i know....its weird.... i love britney spears, i know, but its ok, toxic, that son is awesome listen to it now, its a keeper....

With the taste of your lips I'm on a ride Your toxic tongue slippin' mine With the taste of the poison paradise I'm addicted to you Don't you know that your toxic?

see awesome pure awesomeness. whoa this is getting longer than i thought it would i think im in a rant mode, i have no idea why but its fun sometimes just to type and hear the typing. Lik when you go bowling and the pins make that crashing sound i love that sound but since im a loser and a wimp i can never make it make that noise seeing as my arms are too weak. umm alien ant farm will always have a warm special nook in my heart for always. its so cold in my house i have to wear a jacket i look like an eskimo.

i remember once upon a time i went bowling and i was like pitching or revving up or whatever you call it winding up? i was getting ready to throw the ball and i did then the momentum of the ball made me keep going and i fell over, i was embarrased so that either gives you the idea of how weak i am or how little i am, minus the little part. i think im going to take eskimo pictures and put them up here.

But before i do that did i tell you how much i love the Santanas? they are awesome people no joke. see i live in d-town now and not even the safe part of d-town. like there is one.... shoot anyways, i live in brownstown that part of d-town and thats not so safe and there is this killer loose like seriously. an acutal killer who killed 2 people day b4 yesterday. the amy and i were out and about until like 11pm and stevie cute kid, waited up for amy and i b/c he was concerned that we were going to get killed or something. How cute.

Did i tell you that im going to marry tyson of aar? how hot is he?! totally hot and his voice. to die for and his eyes holy hot damn he's just perfect. i wonder if he loves jesus? how does Nicole Ritter sound? totally awesome cuz thats what my name is about to be. i love how i listen to such random music. you better believe im listening to chopper style... chop chop chop chop choppa style. im going to put pictures in my next post i think.

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 00:44:53 GMT

ps im starting over now, so im making it not friends only, those of you who were the few elite, you'll never know how lucky you had it

my hair is everywhere

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 00:43:49 GMT

thats my hair fools!

gah

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 21:17:12 GMT

so my haircut = supercute, i don't care what anyone says ever, its the best haircut ur gonna find on this side of san antonio, thats right kids be jealous. i think i might try to take pictures of it but im also going to color it all to brown. i miss my old hair color, so why not?! UMM in other awesome exciting terrifying scary news, last night i recommited my life to christ. i'm tired of being the girl who gets drunk and does stupid things, im tired of smoking, im tired of trying to live my life without God. its so hard to have that and to have it awesomely and then give up on it and try to be the same person. i know confusing blah blah blah, but in my heart and my head it makes sense, it really does. i mean, its like being addicted to something and then you give it up and try to live the same way you were, it doesn't work, and the only way to have the life you had before is to go back to that addiction and luckily for me that addiction is Christ. I've decided not to smoke or drink anymore and i know that even if i do stumble and fall back into that God will lift me up and help me through it. that hardest time in my life was when i gave up on god, when i thought i could live my own life and be ok with what i had. i was so wrong, i mean without Jesus, without my savior, without the one who would ALWAYS be my friend who could i rely on? who could i tell the things i can't tell anyone else? with everything that i was doing i was keeping it on my own shoulders, it was all resting on my heart with nowhere for it to go, and guess what?! jesus took it all last night. i had awesome talks with dan and matt, matt is a good guy, i remember going to valley christian assembly b4 he was a pastor there when he was just another kid in the highschool group and he was nice then, and last night @ VCA, he doesn't even know who i am, he came up and asked to pray for me b/c he said he felt led to, he felt God was telling him that i needed as much prayer and fellowship that i could get. umm guess what?! he was right, i thank all you homies that kept me in ur prayers and guess what? the chipper nikole is back! umm i want to hang out with kim and krystle right now, good homies, i <3 those girls, and JEN! i missed you like whoa, im sorry i was an a hole, but im back friend, always will be.

<3 nikole

God is Good all the time

Mon, 05 Jan 2004 00:35:27 GMT